Week 8 - Minicamp: Scratch gets hit with painful ulcers, but ultimately-somehow-has a killer week

Week 8 - Minicamp

Scratch 60, The Fat Man 10

Scratch lost a week, but got back to 286. Let the Fourth of July Box Score serve as as cautionary tale… You can’t drink 5,000 calories in beer and hope to lose any weight. Now the question is—where will he go from here?

Scratch lost a week, but got back to 286. Let the Fourth of July Box Score serve as as cautionary tale… You can’t drink 5,000 calories in beer and hope to lose any weight. Now the question is—where will he go from here?

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Box Score

The Box Score is a breakdown of the week on the Football Fan’s Diet. Essentially, you can see how Scratch scored each day.

If you are not familiar with how the scoring works, you get a touchdown when you meet your health goals for the day and give up one when you don’t. Field goals are gained for exercise and given up for drinking beer. However, you can score your game however you damn well please. This is Scratch’s scoring system.

Scratch’s best days are called “Dynasty Days”. This is when he scores a TD and a FG and shuts out The Fat Man. He is then playing like a dynasty in the making. Conversely, “Laughing Stock” is when your day is 0-10 and so bad your health franchise is widely viewed as the laughing stock of your friends and family. days. In between are “Need Some Help” and “Wild Card” days. You probably get the point by now! Therefore, here is how Scratch is doing…

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Day PF PA Notes
Monday 10 0 Jersey Mike Sub
Tuesday 10 0 Getgo.
Wednesday 10 0 Jersey Mike--again!
Thursday 10 0 The Flood.
Friday 3 10 Punched in the mouth.
Saturday 7 0 Okay. It is hard to eat pizza? But, look Ma, no beer!
Sunday 3 7 Still pain, but great week. What resillence.
Total 60 10
Scratch had a week filled with diversity, which as of this posting, is carrying over… However, Scratch is getting it down. He has went to the gym, if not to walk on elliptical.

Scratch had a week filled with diversity, which as of this posting, is carrying over… However, Scratch is getting it down. He has went to the gym, if not to walk on elliptical.

Scoring Summary

  • Monday (July 8th ) - First day back to the gym to recover a little lost ‘mo’. Simple. Straightforward. Hoagie and chips but that was it. .

  • Tuesday (July 9th) - Went swimming after work and then gym later. Bought some sandwiches from Getgo to share with the kids. Thinking a lot lately about a beer free week. How can I get those beers down?

  • Wednesday (July 10th) - Built a whole page on Dr. Fuhrman’s Nutritarian approach to dieting. I known I need to do something, but eating big plates of bacon never seems to be a good idea… I guess I was having a Keto and plant-based questioning of the soul. How can keto folks hate some plants and legumes… What do they have against freaking legumes. Good day though. No beer.

  • Thursday (July 11th) - The deluge. Our lovely Ross Township was generally flooded out—at least as bad as I had ever remember seeing it. A huge sink seemed to want to swallow our local Bed Bath and Beyond and that is not cool because one of in-season commentators, Bud, works there. I was really, really bummed though that our game room took in some water. Wasn’t it just last week that some dude smashed his car into our house? This really got me down.

  • Friday (June 28th) - Maybe I got run down and and so set the stage for Aphthous mouth ulcers. Yes, I believe I set the stage for a nasty breakout of a mouthful of painful lesions. It started on this day and would drag on. I went to Hal’s out of habit, but really, I should have skipped. My lips were stinging and swollen and I thought a beer would help. It probably did, but those beers were merely sandbags against a damn of pain to follow.

  • Saturday (June 29th) - So my whole mouth broke out with ulcers, burning. both lips swollen like balloons? What gives? Wife suspected I was stressed and maybe working on a prolonged lack of B12. This was a painful day. Did not go to the gym. In fact, ate very little, because it hurt. Hell, tried to eat pizza, but could only manage a morsel at a time. Oh, well, I’ll be better in the morning right?

  • Sunday (June 30th) - I wasn’t worse, but I wasn’t better. Strangely, I had enough energy to cut the grass and do a very super duper light workout at the gym. I think it was that I need to do something to focus away from that mouth pain. But, I will tell you, I have never had ulcers like this. They lined my inner lips and inside my cheeks and inflated my lips to twice their normal size. As of this update, I am still dealing with that pain. One thought that takes a bit of the sting out, is that I am doing what I can to keep losing weight. But, maybe, I am doing too much?

What the Bandwagon Fans are Saying

“I never said Scratch was an asshole… You said it.”

“Really, I am starting to see it show a little… Just a little.”

“Two pounds and a cloud of fat—I thought he was a dumb-ass, but you know what, he just might be right.”

“He’s still shitty…“

“Do you now that when you vocalize the word poop, that in actuality your butt hole muscle makes the identical muscle move that your mouth does? Same thing goes for when you say ‘uncontrollable explosive diarrhea.’”

More Season 48 Box Scores

This dude had a really really trying week, but got it done.

This dude had a really really trying week, but got it done.

Read more Box Scores. Hey, note that “green” numbers indicate a weight loss and “red” numbers indicate a weight gain.

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Just what the hell is all this crap on this page?