Welcome to Week 3 of the Football Fan’s Diet – Season 48 OTAs. Coach Corksoaker is ready to take your questions. Surprisingly, he is a chipper mood.
How would you summarize some of things that you saw Scratch do last week on his intermittent fasting 20/4 protocol offense?
I like the way he is running the offense. He had a great week of practice. Not only is he getting the intermittent fasting 20/4 offense down, he is putting up good statistical numbers too. I am not a huge statistics guy, but Scratch averaged under 1,800 net calories per day and he averaged over a 20 hour fast per day. Those are numbers that are really impressive—we have not seen this kind of output from Scratch in some time. In fact, we were starting to think he was washed up. For a 48-year old fat fart, that’s pretty good.
Editor’s Note: These deeds are chronicled on:Week 2 - OTA: Scratch Dominates With Intermittent Fasting And Counting Calories
So what is he doing—intermittent fasting or counting calories. We heard a lot of counting calories being bandied about?
Listen you little turd. I have been in this business a long time. Ultimately, no matter what offense you run, you have to be mindful of the calories. You would be a full not too. I don’t care if you are doing intermittent fasting, ketogenic dieting, whatever… If you eat too much, you will gain wait.
With all apologies Coach Corksoaker… can you clarify?
Let me try to dumb it down for you—if that is even possible.
Calories are like yards given up in my opinion. When you consume calories, you are essentially playing defense against calories.
So what role is like intermittent fasting 204 or alternate day fasting or any of these playbooks you put up on your website?
These are how you play offense. You proactively run the playbook against the defense, which is your inner fat slob. When you execute your playbook, you score and you should see the results like your weight going down, you are drinking less, you punt poodles less, whatever. Heck, you can give yourself a touchdown for not smoking cigarettes. Guys, this is Football Fan’s Diet 101 stuff…. Okay, read the rules on the website if this is not making any sense to you nimrods.
So Scratch had a good week, but what can he do better this week? What will be his focus this week?
He had 3 beer days. A beer day on the Football Fan’s Diet for you reporters is when you have too much, meaning more than 2 beers. On those “beer days” Scratch drank too much beer. He is giving up way to many beer calories and while he overcame that—that is one area he could improve. So we are looking to ramp up that part of Scratch’s health game
Do you think Scratch should give up beer completely?
I am not advocating for that, but the first step would be to knock those beer days down to two days. Now, you have reduced his calories by a 1/3. Right now, 3 beer days is a lot. Hell, in years, past, Scratch had 5 beer days, so 3 does represent some progress—but we want to be more than a playoff contender. We want to win the Super Bowl of Health.
Do you have time for more questions Coach Corksoaker? I would like to know…
Nope. Time to get on with Week 3 – OTAs. If you want to ask me something, use the goddamned contact form. Plus, I got a turtle head I have to deal with. See you next week.
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