How fat NFL football fans can use the 7 Spiritual Laws of Success to shake a bad mood

By Scratch

PITTSBURGH (FFD) - Have you ever wakened up in a low energy, poor mood—feeling like someone crapped in your bowl of Wheaties? How do you get rid of that irritable, crankiness, and get your butt in gear? How do you motivate yourself when you are in a bad mood?  Mediation is one way to help shake that dour outlook. Let me explain how I do it.

Please understand when it comes to mediation I am not a Zen guru by any means. So do this stuff at your own risk. I will also add that I don’t mediate often but maybe I should because when I do, I immediately feel more grounded, calm, and in control. 

I have one simple approach to mediation and that is to follow the daily meditation suggestions of The 7 Spiritual Laws of Success by Deepak Chopra.

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success

The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success was originally published as a 1994 self-help, pocket-sized book by Deepak Chopra. The book draws its roots in Hinduist and spiritualistic concepts, which preaches the idea that personal success is not the outcome of hard work, precise plans or a driving ambition, but rather of understanding our basic nature as human beings and how to follow the laws of nature.

They are simple and easy to do and require no odd contortions of my unshapely body. Let me run through these for you and explain how they apply to me and my slovenly lifestyle.

“You must find the place inside yourself where nothing is impossible.”

—Deepak Chopra

Sunday: The Law of Pure Potentiality

This law is about shutting up and and being silent, to just be bro. Meditate for 30 minutes, twice a day, by shutting your fat mouth. Try to witness the “intelligence within every living thing.” Practice non-judgment. I will add that this law is difficult if you are a Cleveland Browns fan. 

Monday: The Law of Giving

Bring whomever you encounter a gift: a compliment or flower. Gratefully receive gifts too. It goes on to state that one should keep wealth circulating by giving and receiving care, affection, appreciation and love.

Buy a dude or a broad a beer. Gratefully receive the gift of nacho cheese and buffalo wings. When is the last time you hosted a Monday Night Football party? If you do host a party, be grateful of whatever beer your moocher friends bring over, unless that beer is Natty Light. 

Tuesday: The Law of Karma

Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in like kind. Therefore, choosing actions that bring happiness and success to others ensures the flow of happiness and success to you.

When you best player pulls a hammy or drops a game winning touch down, it is bad karma to fire your remote at your big screen TV. I believe there is such a thing as health karma. The choice to eat is  all yours. If you plan to eat the entire bowl of nachos and cheese then karma will come up as the the price you might pay to the porcelain gods.

When you choose to do something healthy, karma shall reward you later for having done so. Exactly how? I don’t know. Maybe you will have total consciousness on your death bed. Like Bill Murray said as the groundskeeper Carl in Caddyshack, “Gunga Galunga.”

Wednesday: The Law of Least Effort

Accept people, situations, and events as they occur. This applies to your favorite football team too. Take responsibility for your situation and for all events seen as problems. Relinquish the need to defend your team’s history of poor draft picks.

Thursday: The Law of Intention and Desire

Inherent in every intention and desire is the mechanics for its fulfillment, so states the Laws of Spiritual Success. So make a list of desires. Trust that when things don’t seem to go your way, there is a reason. Please note that this law may seem particularly futile for Cleveland Browns fans.

Friday: The Law of Detachment

Allow yourself and others the freedom to be who they are. Do not force solutions—allow solutions to spontaneously emerge. Uncertainty is essential, and your path to freedom. However, if you insist on being who  you are, I have only one suggestion—please wear pants.

Saturday: The Law of Dharma

Seek your higher Self (and not the higher shelf). Discover your unique talents. Ask yourself how you are best suited to serve humanity and your team’s fanbase. Using your unique talents and serving others brings unlimited bliss and abundance to all folks.  If this mean you are the fat guy holding up the fence part of Defense during a ballgame, so be it. We all get a kick out of a great fans enthusiasm.

So in the end, if you wake up in the morning and are feeling unmotivated because your health goals seem so hard or your favorite NFL team is pretty much eliminated from playoff contention and the seasons isn’t even half over, don’t despair. Mediate. Mediate according to the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. They work for regular folks and that includes fat slobs like yourself and your inner fat self.

Learn more about the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success