Why can't I stop watching Paranormal Survivor

By Scratch

PITTSBURGH (FFD) - Yesterday was the first day since I started Season 47 that I ate healthy during my 4 hour eating window on intermittent fasting. This scored me a true touchdown.

I had the best of intentions to go to the gym, but I did not. Instead, I stayed home and sat on the couch and watched Paranormal Survivor on Netflix with my son.

I sat around and watched Paranormal Survivor on Netflix all day and skipped the gym. Still, I got the touchdown for eating healthy.

I sat around and watched Paranormal Survivor on Netflix all day and skipped the gym. Still, I got the touchdown for eating healthy.

My son is eight and he loves a good scary show. I do too.

Low rent haunted house shows, Paranormal Survivor being a great campy example, follow the same old format—and I am beginning to think—use the same houses too. I suspect they put different shutters on them or change the rugs.

Here is how these typical shows work.

Someone buys or rents an old rundown 100-year-old house. They move in and strange things start happening. Eventually, they decide to learn the history of the house and call in a crack paranormal investigation team to get the low down on why, say, a dark entity insists on masturbating in the room while they are sleeping.

Before we cut the cable and went internet TV only, I used to watch a wide variety of these programs on various cable channels. Some are good. Some are bad.

Paranormal Survivor must have the lowest budgets of the ones I have seen. In some of the higher rent shows, they usually reenact the earlier recalled horrors with much better looking younger versions of the people that have shared their stories.

Not so on Paranormal Survivor. The people they hire as actors look almost as weird and dumpy and normal as the people that are telling the stories.

There was this dude on the show I watched yesterday that was retelling how scratches just appeared all over him at for no good reason. He seemed like a complete whack job—without all the paranormal stuff crap going on in his life.

He took his shirt off and revealed tons of scratches and a copious amount of tats. This shaggy dirt ball seemed a few screws loose when he talked too. Moreover, there was no mention about why he had this huge freaking bread loaf scar running down the middle of his head, like his brain had been operated on at some point.

So why am I telling you about his dumb show, which I can’t seem to stop watching with my son?

Probably because I too am an odd ball.

However, I think what is intriguing is to see how normal everyday people that are not pretty, not in shape, kind of rough on the edges, get by and deal with their ghosts and demons.

My ghosts and demons are fat and beer.

So that is where I can relate to the schmucks on this show. I am one of them. However, in my case, I am haunted by massive amounts of unhealthy fried wings, bacon burgers, pasta and pizza.

I wish I could figure out a way to hold hands, gather round the table, say something chants, and make the demons go away.

But that is not my style. My style is football. So, to deal with my demons, I will see if I can outscore them for a day. If I do, I will award myself a touchdown. After all, I beat the demon for a day.

Yesterday I did just that. I sent the demon of unhealthy eating away. Be gone you nasty spawn of Satan!

The problem is that each day the demons come back and I have to deal with them all over again.

So to beat my demons, I can’t do it one day and rest easy. I have to do it each and every day. I have to play a whole season to make them go away. As we get closer to Halloween, I would like to switch up the metaphor for a second. Welcome to my haunted house of health. I call it the Football Fan’s Diet.