PITTSBURGH (FFD) - I lost last week on The Football Fan’s Diet. I gave up more points than I scored. Worse, my Monday morning weigh-in turned out to be a massive wake up call.
I freaking gained 3 pounds since I started The Football Fan’s Diet.
This is why nobody should actually do this diet (Editor’s Note: This frustration is born of making the DGO too easy. Learn to pick a better DGO). To top things off, my Steelers dropped a home game against the hated Baltimore Ravens.
In regards to my favorite NFL football team the Steelers, I am not convinced hold-out Le’Veon Bell is the reason why the offense was so anemic last week. I think it is more to do with the offensive coordinator who is no longer here in Pittsburgh: Todd Haley.
Will the Steelers miss Todd Haley?
Todd Haley, while locking horns often with Big Ben Roethlisberger, was nonetheless, good for Ben’s game. Ben put up big numbers and was on his feet most of the time with Haley calling the shots. Now that Haley is not there and considering that Ben has not thrown Randy Fichter under the bus (just yet), I am wondering if Ben is calling more of his own crap?
What about Le’Veon Bell?
As for Le’Veon Bell, I am all for him getting the biggest contract he can, but he is hurting himself by holding out. Hey, if he played the whole season he wold have got 15-million and some change and he could leave on good terms.
Considering his suspensions and injury history, the Steelers deal he turned down may turn out to be the best contract he would have ever hoped to receive.
The man child will be a year older on the market next year and if he doesn’t have a decent offensive line, why that so-called delayed running style of his might not be very effective at all.
So the Steelers at 1-2-1 have major problems. I do too, when it comes to my health. My scrimmage records is 1-1. In short, I am back to the fat pants.
Gaining weight is demoralizing when dieting
So at 307 pounds, I am showing a weight gain from past week. The weight gain of 3 pounds since I started, seems to be born of a lazy, easy to obtain Daily game Day Objective.
Worse yet, I needed to get some new pants for fall and work. I was optimistic in the morning that I went down at least one pant size since I last needed new ones.
Buying new “fat pants” sucks when you think you were actually losing weight
I did not go down any pant size. Rather, I was at the exact same size as I was when I bought pants over a year ago. What size is that? 46 W, 30 L.
Those are big ass pants for a big ass. I have to get these bad boys at DXL.
DXL makes the best clothing for Fat Mofos
I will have to hand it to DXL. They make really nice clothes for fat guys. It is not cheap, but if you are a wealthy and healthy white-collar office slob that needs a little band expansion around the midsection after a good meal, these are the folks you want to talk to about it.
DXL hires fat people, from what I can see. Their tailors and sales staff are all heavyset making a Fat Mofo feel very comfortable.
As much as I like their clothing lines, I will rejoice when they no longer have pants that I can wear—as in when all those shelves of pants are too freaking big for the butt I have to put in them.
When I lose a hundred pounds, I won’t be shopping at DXL, but I will tip my cap to them now because if you are a bigger kind of guy, somewhat tired of looking the part of the fat slob, then they can have you looking your best.
My plan: 100 pounds.
So what is my plan to lose that 100 pounds? Good question. I need to make my Daily Gameday Objective more challenging and I need to be accountable. I will leave it at that, as I am sure the foul-mouthed Coach Corksoaker will share his thoughts during his weekly pisser, eh, presser.
New week. New game. I can take the first road to a dynasty today. On that note, wish me luck you fatsos—and I’ll wish the same to you.
Then then, I have some fat pants to iron for work today.